Assertive Communication: Meaning, Examples, and How to Practice It

Are you struggling to say “no” or express your opinions clearly? Assertive communication is the skill that helps you share your thoughts and feelings honestly while respecting others. It’s about being honest and confident without being rude or too quiet.

Let’s explore how you can practice this in daily life!

But first, let’s cover the meaning of assertive communication in detail.

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Definition of Assertive Communication

Being assertive means you stand up for yourself without putting others down. It’s about standing up for yourself without being passive (too quiet) or aggressive (too forceful). This balanced style helps you communicate confidently while valuing the opinions and rights of others. 

Assertive communication can improve relationships, boost self-confidence, and reduce stress in personal and professional settings.

Here’s what assertive communication looks like:

• Clear and honest expression: Say what you feel or need without hesitation.
• Respect for others: Value others’ opinions, even if they differ from yours.
• Positive body language: Maintain eye contact and use a calm tone.
• Using “I” statements: Focus on your feelings (e.g., “I feel upset” instead of “You made me upset”).

For example:

• Instead of saying, “You’re always late,” say, “I feel frustrated when we start late because it affects my schedule.”
• When declining an invitation, say, “Thank you, but I can’t join this time,” instead of making excuses.

It’s a skill anyone can learn, and with practice, you can use it to handle everyday conversations, workplace situations, or even conflicts more effectively.

Explore Top Books for Better Communication

Looking for more resources? Don’t miss our list of Top Books to Improve Communication Skills. These books can help you practice and apply assertive communication in real life.

Types of Assertive Communication

Assertive communication comes in different forms depending on the situation. Here’s a breakdown of the main types:

1. Basic Assertiveness

• What It Is: This is the simplest form of assertive communication. You state your needs or desires clearly without overexplaining or justifying yourself.
• Example: “I’d like to take a 10-minute break before continuing.”
• Why It’s Useful: It’s direct and helps others understand what you need without unnecessary details.

2. Empathic Assertiveness

• What It Is: This type involves acknowledging the other person’s feelings while expressing your own needs. It shows that you value their perspective.
• Example: “I understand you’re busy, but I need your help with this task to meet the deadline.”
• Why It’s Useful: It fosters mutual respect and understanding, especially in sensitive situations.

3. Escalating Assertiveness

• What It Is: This is used when your initial attempt to communicate is ignored. You restate your need more firmly while maintaining respect.
• Example: “I mentioned earlier that I need your feedback by today. It’s important for completing the project on time.”
• Why It’s Useful: It helps reinforce your message without becoming aggressive.

4. Confrontive Assertiveness

• What It Is: This type addresses behavior or statements directly and respectfully. It’s about pointing out an issue without attacking the person.
• Example: “When you interrupt me during meetings, I feel disrespected. Can we agree to take turns speaking?”
• Why It’s Useful: It resolves conflicts constructively by focusing on the issue, not the person.

5. I-Language Assertiveness

• What It Is: This involves using “I” statements to express your feelings or needs without blaming others. It shifts the focus to your perspective.
• Example: “I feel overwhelmed when tasks are added at the last minute. I need more notice to manage my workload.”
• Why It’s Useful: It reduces defensiveness and encourages open dialogue.

The Art of Listening

Assertive communication is about listening too. 

Learn how to enhance your listening skills with this guide: Effective Communication Through Listening.

Benefits of Assertive Communication

Practicing assertive communication offers numerous advantages in both personal and professional settings. According to research, assertiveness training can improve confidence by up to 40% and reduce workplace conflicts by nearly 25%. Here are the key benefits:

Benefit	How It Helps
Builds stronger relationships	Promotes trust and understanding by expressing thoughts and setting boundaries.
Boosts self-confidence	Helps you express your needs clearly, increasing control over your life.
Reduces stress and resolves conflicts	Encourages open discussions to address issues calmly and avoid misunderstandings.
Improves decision-making and leadership	Increases your ability to assess options and collaborate effectively.
Encourages mutual respect	Balances your needs with others’, creating a positive environment.

Communication Skills in Action

Did you know communication is a key skill for digital marketers? Read about the Top 5 Communication Skills for Digital Marketing and see how assertiveness can make a difference in this field.

Examples of Assertive Communication

Assertive communication involves expressing your thoughts, needs, and feelings clearly while respecting others. Here are 10 practical examples to help you understand how to use assertive communication in everyday situations:

1. Politely declining an extra task at work:
   “I appreciate the opportunity, but I’m unable to take on this task right now due to my current workload.”
2. Requesting a salary raise with justification:
   “I’ve consistently met my goals and taken on extra responsibilities, so I’d like to discuss a salary adjustment.”
3. Setting boundaries in personal relationships:
   “I need some personal time after work, so I’d prefer to catch up over the weekend instead.”
4. Asking a friend to return a borrowed item:
   “I need the book I lent you last month. Could you bring it the next time we meet?”
5. Expressing disagreement in a meeting:
   “I see your point, but I have a different perspective. Let me explain why I think this approach might work better.”
6. Clarifying a point in a group discussion:
   “I think my earlier statement might have been misunderstood. Let me rephrase it for clarity.”
7. Requesting better service at a restaurant:
   “Excuse me, this dish isn’t what I ordered. Could you please bring the correct one?”
8. Saying “no” to social plans:
   “Thank you for inviting me, but I can’t make it this time. Let’s plan something another day.”
9. Giving constructive feedback to a coworker:
   “I noticed the report was missing some details. Including them next time could make it even better.”
10. Asking for a deadline extension:
    “I need more time to ensure the quality of this project. Can we extend the deadline by a few days?”

Think Critically, Communicate Better

Assertive communication often involves critical thinking. Learn more about What Critical Thinking Is and How to Develop It to strengthen your approach.

How to Practice Assertive Communication

Learning assertive communication takes time, but it’s a skill anyone can build with small, steady steps. Here’s how you can get started:

Step 1: Understand Your Value

• Remind yourself that your thoughts, feelings, and needs matter.
• Believe that it’s okay to speak up without feeling guilty.

Step 2: Stay Calm

• Keep your tone steady and your emotions in check.
• Take a deep breath before speaking to stay composed.

Step 3: Practice Active Listening

• Show that you respect others’ opinions by listening carefully.
• Nod, ask questions, or repeat what they said to show you understand.

Step 4: Be Specific

• Clearly say what you want or expect.
• Example: “I need the report by 3 PM,” not “Can you send it soon?”

Step 5: Maintain Eye Contact

• Look at the person you’re speaking to.
• This shows confidence and sincerity, making your message stronger.

Step 6: Start Small

• Practice in low-pressure situations, like declining a small favor.
• Gradually apply assertiveness in tougher conversations as you gain confidence.

Interpersonal Communication and Assertiveness

Being assertive starts with understanding how to communicate with others. 

Learn more about how interpersonal communication works and why it’s so important in daily life with our guide: What Is Interpersonal Communication?.

Assertive Communication Techniques and Tips

Did you know that people who use assertive communication handle conflicts better and build stronger relationships? Here are some simple tips to help you communicate better:

Technique	What It Means	Why It Helps
Practice Role-Playing	Rehearse situations with a friend or on your own.	Builds confidence and prepares you for real-life scenarios.
Use a Calm and Firm Tone	Speak clearly and confidently, without raising your voice.	Makes your message more effective and easier to understand.
Learn to Say “No”	Politely decline requests that don’t work for you.	Helps you set boundaries and prioritize your needs.
Think Before Responding	Pause for a moment to organize your thoughts.	Prevents emotional reactions and keeps conversations focused.
Avoid Unnecessary Apologies	Don’t apologize unless it’s truly needed.	Maintains confidence and authority in your statements.
Set Clear Boundaries	Communicate what you’re comfortable with and stick to it.	Reduces misunderstandings and ensures mutual respect.
Be Open to Feedback	Listen to others’ opinions about your communication style.	Encourages growth and builds trust in conversations.
Use Positive Body Language	Maintain eye contact, use open gestures, and relax your posture.	Shows confidence and reinforces your words.
Handle Criticism Constructively	Focus on the issue, not the person, and stay calm.	Helps resolve issues without unnecessary conflict.
Practice Gratitude	Acknowledge and thank others when appropriate.	Strengthens relationships and shows respect.

Want to improve your communication skills? 

Explore upGrad’s communication courses and start learning today. It’s a small step that can lead to big changes in how you connect with others!