How to Feel Comfortable While Conversing With Others

Anand, an evergreen and famous movie produced by the Indian film industry in the mid-70’s, depicts the story of a witty young man named Anand. The movie was all about Anand and his attitude towards life. In the movie, Anand has just 6 months to live and he chooses to live this time happily and without any regret. He was great at conversations and would get along with just anyone regardless of whether they knew him or not. And not just in movies, having a conversation is, in fact, a great life skill for everyone.

Today, gadgets such as smartphones and computers with software such as Skype and WhatsApp have made their way into human society, and have replaced face-to-face conversations to become platforms for communication. And so, it is not surprising that students and professionals now prefer talking to their friends and acquaintances over a technological platform rather than conversing face-to-face, owing to the comfort that it offers. Let's hear Rakesh speak about some simple points to keep in mind when having conversations:

Those were some helpful tips! Let's learn more about conversations and some common courtesy.

Importance of Conversations

1. Conversations are more informal in nature. The scenario is mostly designed such that people get to know each other better and socialise.
2. Conversations can often lead to stronger relationships, both personal and professional.
3. You should avoid ‘pitching’ or ‘presenting’ yourself in conversations. The other person will probably not appreciate it beyond a point.

Audience Analysis in Conversations

Understanding your audience is as important in a conversation as it is while delivering a presentation. After all, it is the audience that decides whether or not your communication is good for them. Having to go through an hour of a presentation by an inefficient conversationalist is a harrowing experience for the audience and is a colossal waste of everyone's time. Once again, put yourself in the shoes of your audience. Here are some common expectations that your audience has from you in a conversation:

• Basic courtesy: Conversations are social interactions. People feel good when they are respected by others. The simplest things that you can do for your audience is to show them basic verbal courtesies, for example, a warm greeting, and non-verbal courtesies, for example, a smile and eye contact. Your face can convey a lot to the audience in a conversation. Keeping an emotionless face or frowning can lead to your audience getting intimidated.
• Fun and entertainment: The whole idea of a conversation is to strengthen social relationships. This will happen when your audience begins to like you. And the simplest way to achieve this is to include elements of humour or entertainment in your conversations. You need not learn how to crack jokes, You can also share a story or two from a book that you have read or tell them about a movie that you have watched, or share an experience from your last trip. Now, this is where the Action Assembly Theory, which was discussed in Chapter 2, plays a very important role. If you have nothing to share with your audience, then it will lead them to lose interest.

So, before you converse, you should arm yourself with some stories, anecdotes, jokes and experiences that you can share with your audience when the moment comes to make your conversations engaging.

• Space and distance: Unless the speaker is very close to the audience, the audience expects them to maintain a healthy distance. So, as a speaker, you should allow them their space. You should not get too close and make them comfortable. You should avoid touching them or doing anything that invades their space.
• Maintaining a balance between listening and speaking: People generally dislike someone who does not let others talk and occupies the entire conversation. So, you should maintain a balance between speaking and listening. Break your conversation into time points when you would allow your audience to speak. Interactive audiences like a good listener. The art of listening will be covered in greater detail in a separate segment after the current one.

Now that we know about the basic guidelines for conversations, let's move on to the next segment.

Additional Resources:

• Celeste Headlee: 10 Ways to Have a Better Conversation | TED Talk | TED.com
• How to Start a Conversation You're Dreading - Peter Bregman - Harvard Business Review
• How to Turn Small Talk into Smart Conversation | ideas.ted.com